Real World Examples of Parental Alienation

If you are sharing custody of your child or children and are concerned that your ex partner may be actively displaying behaviour that is disruptive to your relationship with any children, these detailed examples of parental alienation will help you identify and confirm that other parent is trying to alienate your kids from you.

The phenomenon of parental alienation is when one parent, after divorce or separation, emotionally manipulates their kids, either consciously or unconsciously, in an effort to turn the kids against the other parent. This tends to be done in a systematic way, amounting to a campaign by one parent against the other while the children are caught in the crossfire.

Parental alienation syndrome is a serious problem if it is happening to you and your kids. If these examples lead you to be confident that it may be or IS occurring, then you will need a family law lawyer who has experience in parental alienation matters.

Our family law team at Pathway Legal is very experienced at dealing with these matters and will help you support your claim and decide whether you will commence parental alienation legal action in the BC Supreme Court or the BC Provincial Court.

What Are Some Initial Signs of Parental Alienation?

The initial signs of parental alienation can be many and varied.

Some examples are easy to spot. They can include your child:

• refusing to spend time with you for no seemingly valid reason.
• suddenly expressing hatred towards you or fear of you, again for no reason.
• saying out loud what is being said to them by the other parent. 

At other times, the emotional manipulation is more subversive. For example, the child:

• might all of a sudden express distaste for the food you prepare for them.
• is being interrupted continuously by the other parent during your parenting time.

You will find a lot written about parental alienation online, however, the bottom line is that  if your kids are being exposed to a systematic and consistent narrative that is turning against you for no legitimate reason, then it could be happening.

Below our real life examples of parental alienation from our legal team at Pathway Legal. We hope the information helps you understand what may be going on.

Checklist of Real World Examples of Parental Alienation

As experienced family law lawyers in and around Vancouver, the Pathway Legal team has seen it all. Here are some examples of parental alienation that our lawyers have experienced in our cases.

Obviously we have changed details to protect our clients and their children’s identities!

1. A Parent Insults the Other Parent in Front of Their Kid

One parent always insulted the other parent’s choice of food and what they fed their child.

2. One Parent Interferes with the Other’s Time Without a Legitimate Reason

Withholding the child after the end of their parenting time is an example of interfering with the other's parenting time.

Nowadays, the best evidence for child custody in this circumstance often comes from texts, and email communication between the parents.

Just recently we saw a case where one parent picked the child up from daycare and withheld the child for eight days. The child had never been apart from the other parent for more than three days.

At 3 years old, there is no doubt this child was confused as to what was going on, having no explanation as to why her primary caregiver had disappeared for so many days without an explanation.

Parental alienation phone calls are also signs of parental alienation and occur when one parent is limiting or blocking the communication time that a child has with the other parent or conversely, excessively texting or phoning the child whilst in the other parent’s company.

Look for more useful details in our collecting evidence for custody section. 

3. Blaming the Other Parent for the Separation in Front of the Child

Unfortunately, we have seen this happen way too often. Kids already feel that the separation is their fault, but to blame the other parent in front of the child really makes the child feel like it is their fault even more.

Need some invaluable support as you approach or experience divorce with kids? We have an extensive section on divorcing with children right here!.

4. Asking the Child to Spy on the Other Parent

This can be unintentional but not always!

In one recent case, the father always wanted the child to report things that were “bad” that were going on in the mother’s home. Their 8-year-old son knew that the best way to get attention from Dad was to tell him that Mom was doing “bad” stuff.

What the Dad failed to realize was that his ongoing interrogation of the child and getting him to report everything that went on in Mom’s house was a form of child abuse. This did not play out well when custody hearings were scheduled.

5. Breaking Down into Tears When the Child Is to Leave with the Other Parent

This can be unintentional but the result will cause the child to feel guilty for spending time with the other parent.

In one case, the father was at the mother’s house to pick up the child. The father had, in his pocket, his phone video-recording the pickup. The mother was sobbing, yes, sobbing, as she was buttoning up the child’s jacket.

Clearly, she was having a very hard time with the child leaving for the several hours he was about to spend time with his Dad.

At five years old this child was being made responsible for how his mother was feeling.

Even worse, as the mother was crying, she was (we think unintentionally) undermining the father’s parenting abilities. She was reminding the child to keep his jacket done up if he was cold, to ask for food if he was hungry, to be safe, etc.

She said all of this to the young child through tears while the Dad was standing right there.

Postscript: This case was resolved with a Custody Agreement, and avoiding court.  You can read the details about the terms of the custody agreement here.

6. Insulting the Other Parent’s Food, Partner, Gifts, Etc. in Front of the Child

In one case we had recently, the father had given the child a lego set as a gift. When the mother picked up the child, she was furious about the gift, complaining that now she would have to build lego with the child.

“As if I don’t already have enough on my plate!” she yelled, as she stormed off.

Believe it or not, she exclaimed this in front of a professional visit supervisor. It makes you wonder what she says around the child when professionals are not around!

7. Pressuring the Child to Choose Between the Parents or Take the Side of a Conflict

Often parents do not agree on which child custody schedules to implement for their parenting time.

For example, one parent might want a week-on/week-off-type custody schedule while the other parent might want a 2 days - 2 days -3 days.

We recall one case when a 9-year-old girl was interviewed by a professional for a “Hear the Child” report. The child, unprompted, said, “My Dad says for me to tell you I want week on and week off.”

The report writer told the Dad he was “busted.”

Need to know more?  We outline the options for Custody Scheduling in BC extensively in our custody section.

8. Bringing a Child to Court to Testify Against the Parent

This is probably one of the more awful examples we have seen when looking at the elements that constitute parental alienation.

In this case, the father was criminally charged with sexually assaulting the children’s mother. The father pleaded not guilty to the charge and the matter went to trial. At trial, the father had one of the children testify on his behalf against the mother.

Despite the testimony, the father was convicted of sexual assault. 

It is no surprise that all the kids have refused to see their mother at all. This is probably close to the worst example of parental alienation against a mother that we have ever seen.

9. Disparaging Comments About the Other Parent's Work, Family, or Friends in Front of the Child

In this situation, the alienating parent not only denigrates the other parent in front of their child but everyone and everything the other parent does.

10. Undermining the Other Parent’s Parenting Style or Authority in Front of the Child

For example, telling them to ignore the parent’s request to do their homework.

11. Making False Reports to Child “Protection” Authorities

In one case we saw that there were five false reports made to the Ministry about the mother’s supposed lack of care of the child. This happened within a week after the father started dating a social worker.

Although there are cases where there is parental alienation against the father, this was a clear case where there was parental alienation against the mother.

12. Spreading Nasty and Untrue Rumours About the Other Parent

The purpose of these rumours is that other adults in the child’s life will be fed a very false and damaging narrative about the other parent. We wish we had never seen this kind of thing happen but it has.

13. Coaching a Child to Draw Photos of Alleged Sexual Interference When Nothing Happened

Yep, this happened.

Imagine a child being coached to “remember” something that did not happen to them in the first place and being shown and coached how to draw parts of their body demonstrating where the other parent had supposedly been grooming them. The judge did not take it lightly and the legal consequences of parental alienation were so severe that the parent lost custody of their child.

14. Ignoring or Discouraging the Child’s Positive Relationship with the Other Parent

In one case, the parent refused to allow the child to mention anything at all about the other parent. It was a strict rule.

The parent said, “When you are in our home, your father does not exist.” Imagine how that landed for the child. In that case it was a significant case of parental alienation against the father.

15. Withholding Information About the Child’s Education, Medical Requirements, etc

Parenting is about more than spending time with your child. It is also about being able to take responsibility for what is happening in their education, their medical care, and other areas of their lives that are important to them.

Keeping information from the other parent is another clear example of alienation of parental rights.

RELATED PAGES

Alienation Defined

Alienation Laws in BC

Proving Alienation

High Conflict

Spousal Support

Using Pathway

How to Counter Parental Alienation

In the long-term parental alienation matter we dealt with (see above), our client noticed the signs of parental alienation and first consulted with our family law lawyers at Pathway Legal. When the signs became more apparent and consistent, we developed a plan regarding how to counter parental alienation. 

Our client first learned how to prove parental alienation. She then built her case methodically and did everything possible to counteract the parental alienation that was occurring, not only by seeking the advice of a parental alienation lawyer, but also seeking advice from other mental health professionals so that she could support the child in a healthy way while waiting for the parental alienation legal action to run its course. 

It took many separate applications and many separate days in court spread apart by months and sometimes years, however, our client suing for parental alienation was ultimately successful.

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Val Hemminger, divorce lawyer and owner of Pathway Legal, and her team serve families all over BC, including Vancouver, North Vancouver, West Vancouver, Surrey, Burnaby, Richmond, Abbotsford, Kamloops, Nanaimo, Victoria, Langley, Kelowna, and Maple Ridge.

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