Where To Start With Divorce in British Columbia

If you have found this page, it's probably because you are wondering how to start with your divorce in British Columbia. You may be the person initiating the divorce, you may be the other party or you may be creating the process together.

Despite the difficulties you may be facing, the good news is you are not alone and this section of the website will help you plan for your divorce! Getting a divorce is not something we generally plan to do. However, if you are in that place, there are a myriad of questions to resolve and these pages aim to provide a pathway for you to follow as you start.

However you are  feeling about your impending divorce, it is critical to stay present and to ensure that you cover each step you take thoroughly.  Ensure you do not lose out because of some careless assumptions, poor record keeping or worse, being taken advantage of. Once you have read through this page you will find the real meat on our Divorce Preparation Checklist.

We are here to help you and you are in a good place, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. And, if you are ready for a first appointment with a lawyer, I suggest you look at the first steps to choosing the right lawyer for you in B.C. on this site.

7 basic steps to start preparing for a divorce

#1 A solid foundation and your first "separating"conversation

Approach your divorce strongly by starting with a solid foundation. When you have a solid foundation, it will establish how your divorce process will move forward. It will also likely impact your co-parenting relationship if you have children.

And it will likely save you money.

Building your foundation starts with your first conversation which may even be that you wish to seperate. If you are the one who is ending it, you want to ensure that the first conversation is clear, planned, and civilised.

You are advising your spouse that you are separating and getting divorced.

• This is not the time to talk about whose fault it is (you probably have already had those conversations).
• This is not the time to change your mind or waffle back and forth (you have probably already done that about a thousand times too).
• This is not the time to get into further arguments (you probably have already done lots of that as well).

What you CAN do in this first conversation is set the tone. That is, set the tone of collaboration. Make it clear to your spouse that you want to separate and that you want to do it as peacefully as possible.

#2 Getting initial legal advice

Whether you are the person initiating getting a divorce, you are the second party or you are working together, you do not have to retain a divorce lawyer immediately, although many people do. 

Although you may want to hold off on hiring a lawyer, you DO want to get an outline of your legal responsibilities and rights regarding your unique circumstances. For example, in British Columbia, we have “community property”. That means you usually share any growth in the value of your assets during the time you were together.

If you are ready to speak to a lawyer, our expert advice about preparing for your first appointment in your family law matter, has everything you need to know.

Preparing for your first appointment

1. Initial lawyer consultation (follow the steps on this page) so you get the greatest benefit
2. Research the possible approaches for resolution.
3. Prepare for your first conversation with your (soon to be) ex
4. Prepare for your first conversation with your kids if you have any.
5. Seek external support (emotional etc) Use this checklist for ideas.

#3 Know how to tell your kids about getting divorced

Approaching your divorce includes telling your kids about getting divorced. Parents often have a lot of guilt around divorcing and often wonder about the effect the difference will have on their kids. 

Here is the short answer: Your kids will get over the fact you are getting divorced if you let them. The effects of divorce on your children depend on you and the other parent.

The more important question is this: How peacefully do you expect to co-parent? 

At Pathway Legal we have a whole section on helping your children through the divorce process.  You can start with our section on how to divorce with kids.

#4 Empower yourself and discover how to resolve your matter

Approaching your divorce will go a long way towards bringing you a final sense of joy if the legal process does not break you or the bank.

Find ways to settle your matter with a legally binding final separation agreement without ending up in court. You will want to learn about various dispute resolution areas such as:

• Negotiating directly with your spouse
• Four-way meetings
• Mediation
• Mediation / Arbitration
• Collaborative family law
• A settlement conference with a judge.
  

A really excellent way to get started on this process is to read our section on Amicable Divorces.  Yes - they are possible and more common than you think!

#5 Empower yourself by focusing on your health and healing

This may seem odd to be on a legal site about divorcing in British Columbia. But Pathway Legal IS a little different to your average legal firm. 😏

A major step to approaching your divorce and bringing you closer to joy is all about you whether you are initiating the divorce, or not.

That's right. This is about your health, your healing, and creating the future life you deserve. There are so many ways to grow and find joy. Everyone is different. 

 Here are some of what my clients have shared with me as useful for them to heal, grow, and find joy:

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)
• Counseling
• Tapping
• Coaching
• Ho’oponopono (forgiveness practice)
• MDMA and psychedelics 
• Faith (what resonates for you)
• The Breath and Wonder Method 
• Studying A Course in Miracles 

What will you do to help create the life you want?

The great news is that you don't have to wait to start growing, learning, and creating your new life. The sooner you start one of these suggestions (or another supporting option) as well as getting excellent legal advice about your situation, the sooner you will feel at cause as you begin the divorce journey. 

It is a personal choice and what you do is up to you.  But from my experience and the shared experience of countless clients, I can recommend you examine the options.

#6 Prepare for your legal framework and getting an agreement

Approach your divorce after you have learned the different processes available and decide (hopefully with the help of your spouse) which dispute resolution process to use. You will want to use the dispute resolution process best suited to your unique circumstances. 

I suggest you start here with our section on creating an amicable divorce in British Columbia! 

Then, you will prepare for your process, attend your process, and (hopefully, and yes, it happens almost always) get your final agreement.

Whether you are well on your way to getting divorced or just thinking about it, the path will be clear to you. 

Where you are in your journey, your goal is to have a clear and legally binding final separation agreement.

#7 Don't Assume...

Even if a document (financial or otherwise) looks insignificant or holds no interest for you, put it aside and show your lawyer. Those very documents that you may think are old and meaningless could be important share documents or codes for accessing a crypto currency!

If you haven't watched it yet, spend 15 minutes watching Val Hemminger's video on our financial checklist page.  It will give you a deeper understanding of the importance of what you are doing. 

Still not found what you are looking for?

Explore Pathway Legal in much more detail to get answers to your questions such as:

• What your to-do list for your divorce contains.
• How to divorce a narcissist.
• How legal separation works.
• Claiming Spousal Support in BC
• What divorce arbitration is and how it works.
• What children's rights are (or should be) after divorce.
• The difference between legal separation v. divorce.
• Whether people are happier after divorce.
• What conscious uncoupling is all about.
• What rights a father has during divorce.
• How to choose the right family divorce lawyer.
• How to find the best information about child custody.
• How to go about dividing your property into divorce.
• What mediation resolves for you, if you are getting divorced.

And much more. And if all else fails, contact us and we will see how we can help!

Make an appointment

Val Hemminger, divorce lawyer and owner of Pathway Legal, and her team serve families all over BC, including Vancouver, North Vancouver, West Vancouver, Surrey, Burnaby, Richmond, Abbotsford, Kamloops, Nanaimo, Victoria, Langley, Kelowna, and Maple Ridge.

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