Navigating A High Conflict Divorce in BC

If you are navigating a high conflict divorce, especially here in British Columbia, you’re likely facing a uniquely challenging path that feels overwhelming at times.

And if you're dealing with an ex-spouse who consistently escalates conflict, you may already realise that the saying, "it takes two to tango," doesn’t always apply in family law. 😕

Sometimes, no matter how calm, co-operative, or reasonable you are, a divorce situation can remain highly volatile—especially when the other party actively complicates every step.

Why Some Divorces Become High Conflict

Having been a divorce lawyer for over 25 years, I’ve seen first-hand that while most people experience some emotional upheaval during a separation, they eventually settle into a co-parenting rhythm and life continues. But in rare cases, one party’s actions can keep conflicts brewing indefinitely, making every decision, from the smallest daily co-parenting issue to the larger financial arrangements, contentious.

In cases like these, high conflict situations usually stem from underlying, often untreated, personality issues in one or both spouses. While we, as legal professionals, aren’t equipped to diagnose personality disorders, at Pathway Legal, we do recognise common traits associated with high conflict behaviours.

Personality challenges such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder, or Paranoid Personality Disorder can significantly complicate the divorce process.

Further, when mental health or substance abuse issues are involved, the other party’s unpredictable or manipulative behaviour can create emotional chaos not only for you but for your children as well.

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Legal help for managing high conflict divorce or separation

In dealing with high conflict personalities, it’s essential to understand that conventional approaches to resolution may not apply. You may be frustrated by broken agreements, last-minute changes to parenting schedules, or even interference during simple daily exchanges. And while most parents might let minor disagreements go for the sake of co-parenting harmony, high conflict parents often create disputes where there shouldn't be any.

During these challenging times, the support of professionals for you and your children—both within and beyond the legal field—can be invaluable and we encourage you to draw on any personal support you can - therapists, counsellors, clergy, family, coaches - and not necessarily in that order!

Within your support circle, ensure you have a specialized legal team who can help you strategize and create a pathway to resolution, while mental health professionals can provide emotional support and coping strategies for you and your children.

If you’re struggling with a high conflict spouse or an ex-partner who seems to thrive on complicating matters, you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to us at Pathway Legal. Our experienced team understands the unique nature of high conflict divorces, and we’re here to help you move towards the new beginning you and your family deserve.

High conflict co-parenting

If you have children, they can be particularly vulnerable during a high conflict divorce.

In most separations, parents generally make every effort to shield their kids from adult issues and provide a stable environment as the newly defined family arrangement evolves. They create an environment that supports their wellbeing and if you are reading this, it is quite likely that this is exactly what you want to achieve too.

However, a high conflict co-parent may undermine these efforts, intentionally or not. They might involve the children in adult disputes, refuse to follow agreed parenting plans, or even withhold them from the other parent. In extreme cases, children can be caught in the crossfire, feeling torn, fearful, and uncertain, which takes a toll on their emotional well-being.

Finding resolution in a high conflict divorce

If you find yourself constantly on edge, around your partner, his or her actions, and unable to "do the right thing" no matter how hard you try, your best course of action is often to pursue a clear resolution as quickly as possible.

The process of endlessly negotiating with someone who does not want to resolve, revisiting agreements, and attending court hearings can drain your resources and energy. Instead, by working towards a binding agreement or court order, you can establish firm boundaries and minimize ongoing conflict.

This is something you will undoubtedly need a lawyer for. Although we at Pathway Legal we advocate a co-operative resolution and a philosophy of Amicable Divorce this is not always possible and, here in Vancouver BC, we have substantial experience in finalising high conflict divorces.

Many clients share the common concerns of financial stability, parenting plans, and property division. These concerns can lead to heightened anxiety in any divorce, but with a high conflict spouse, it’s often critical to reach a final agreement promptly to avoid the cyclical nature of unresolved disputes.

To get you going you may find this checklist of "to do's" a great place to start. But you should also contact us so that we all have the best opportunity of resolving your situation in the earliest opportunity.

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Val Hemminger, divorce lawyer and owner of Pathway Legal, and her team serve families all over BC, including Vancouver, North Vancouver, West Vancouver, Surrey, Burnaby, Richmond, Abbotsford, Kamloops, Nanaimo, Victoria, Langley, Kelowna, and Maple Ridge.

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